Texas State Fair

Yesterday's "Red River Shoot Out" (Oklahoma University vs Texas State) was a rout. Something like 63 - 18 to the Sooners. I know because a saw a guy at breakfast in an Oklahoma T-shirt, and I thought: there's a clue right there as to which team he supports. So I asked him the score. And on the way to the Texas State Fair I saw a truck with signs painted on it with erudite slogans (in an Oklahoman scrawl) such as "OU beat Texas" and "Up yours Texas". Now, I wouldn't have thought it would be too smart driving around Dallas like that on the day after your team had thrashed the local one, but this was a big truck, so it was probably driven by a very large guy with penile deficiency and a gun - I certainly wouldn't have bothered him.

Anyway, if you're going to the Texas State Fair, don't follow the signs. Because there aren't any. I suppose everybody knows where the Texas State Fair is - don't you? Fortunately, I'd asked directions at the hotel, and unlike most other driving directions I've received thus far, these were quite succinct, and actually correct.

Mmmm ... can I think of something nice to say about the Texas State Fair? Mmmm ... no. My mother always told me: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. Of course, she doesn't have email, so I guess that makes it ok.

The first thing I'm going to do when I'm elected Governor of Texas next year - and I think I really have a shot at this now that Mr Schwarzenegger has blazed the trail for the rest of us) - the very first thing (and this will be an election promise, so I'm counting on your support) will be to rename it the Texas State Food-and-Crap-orama, which I think captures the flavour so much better than the blandness of "Fair". There was certainly a lot of food. What kind of food? Let's see, there were hot dogs and hamburgers, burritos, corny dogs, crawfish, catfish, shrimp, pizza, sausage, turkey legs, nachos, tamale balls (it's a little-known fact that tamales have balls, and even less well-known that they are, in fact, a delicacy), churros, cotton candy, funnel cake, fried oreos, gorditas, tornado taters, corn, taquitos, popcorn, taffy, fried twinkies ... I could go on, but you probably don't know what half the stuff is anyway (and trust me, you probably don't want to know). But I couldn't let the opportunity of a deep-fried twinkie go by. What's a twinkie? It's like a soft sponge finger filled with liquid sugar, and has a shelf life of about 6 months, which gives you an idea of how nutritious it is. If your curiosity is aroused, you can see the deep-fried version in the picture below. And on the "International Boulevard", you could get food from places as far away as, say, Wisconsin. I think, given the current world economy, that $8 for a hot dog is quite reasonable, don't you?

The longest queues (apart from the women's rest rooms) were for corny dogs, and the free "Taste and See Pavilion". Which says something about Texans: the only thing better than food is free food.

Of course there was a funfair, complete with the Midway, and the "Midway Barker", making fun of everybody as they passed by. "Big Tex" welcomed everyone to the fair.

The highlights for me were the Killdares (an Irish band) and a Scottish pipe band. Although the pipe band did say that the hornpipe that they played was the only good thing the English ever gave the Scots. C'mon guys, that's a little unfair - we had a little help along the way from the Romans and the French. And the Scots do need a firm hand from time to time to keep them under control.

So that was the Texas State Fair. Oh, and silly me - I said I couldn't think of anything nice to say about it. It's very big.

Big Tex

Food plaza

Deep fried Twinkies

The Killdares

The midway

Scottish pipe band

Turkey legs

Waco, TX

The original intention was to go to Austin - try and catch some country music. So I headed south on Rte 35. Highways here don't have too many places to pull off and look at the map ("Rest Area 1 mile; Next Rest Area 110 miles"), so you pretty much have to figure out where you're going in advance, and stick to it (unless you have a navigator companion). Now I'm not easily surprised, but as I was looking out the window, I saw a field full of camels grazing. Whoa! Camels? In Texas? I made a U-turn at the next available opportunity (about 10 miles), and tried to locate an exit where I might be able to get a closer look. In the process, I came across a Texas night club. This was 11am, so it looks fairly sleepy, but I bet the joint's really jumpin' tonight. Probably can't move for line dancers.

Anyway, I found the farm (sorry, ranch), but the gates were padlocked. Undeterred, I pulled the car off the road, and walked down the outside of the fence (next to the highway) to get a photograph - no-one's ever going to believe me otherwise. On the way, a friendly horse (whose name was Jenny, I later found out) and her foal followed me along the fence. As I walked back to the car, the owner pulled up, opened the gate, got back in his truck, but slowed down as he passed me. I told him I just had to get a picture of the camels - he invited me in for a closer look. So ... Ray Mitchell showed me his camels, his baby camels and his African cow. He also breeds primates, and has just bought a few hundred acres nearby where he plans to open a wildlife park. I asked him why the camels were so friendly, when they have a reputation for being the opposite, and stubborn to boot. He said it's because the ones you usually see have been teased or maltreated. Anyway, his camels were delightful, and so was he.

I got back on the road to Austin. On the way you pass through Waco - you know, where they had all that Branch Davidian trouble a few years back (I always thought they'd mis-spelt the name and left a "k" out). It was close to lunchtime, so I stopped at Dock's Riverside, and had lunch on the deck overlooking the Brazos river. They brought out hush-puppies as a snack (don't really know what these are, but they're good as long as you have something to dip them in). Lunch was blackened catfish with fries and pinto beans (they're big into beans down here, and these are similar to baked beans (or Boston baked beans) but without the sweet sauce). From the deck I could look down to see ducks and turtles in the water below. While I was eating, grackles (black birds that we used to call chin-chins in Cayman) hovered nearby to pick up anything I might drop.

Since, as you know, I'm of the opinion that most American cities (with a few notable exceptions) look the same these days, and since I'd heard that Crawford (the "White House of Texas", where the Bush family live) was nearby, I decided to forget Austin, and try to find Crawford instead. And, believe me, it's not easy to find. That probably has something to do with the fact that (as the sign says) it has a population of some 700 people. Of course, the sign reads "Crawford City Limit". In my naivety, I supect that's rather a liberal interpretation of the word "city", but since every one-horse town (and the horse doesn't have to still be alive, or could be temporarily borrowed from a neighbouring "city") down here seems to do it, we can let it pass.

When you get to Crawford, there's bugger all there. The main street has a bank, a gas station, a barbershop and several gift shops (from which I purchased the obligatory fridge magnet!). Actually, I think the barbershop may have closed down, so I suppose the good folks of Crawford have taken their custom elsewhere - as long as GWB knows to get a haircut before he goes home!

I asked the woman in the giftshop where the Bush ranch was. She told me, but also advised me that there's nothing to see. I should have listened. There really isn't anything to see - the approach road itself is closed, and you're not allowed to "stop, stand or park" anywhere nearby, so the best you can get is a distant glimpse of a few people that may (or may not) be secret service agents whose job is to make sure nobody knows what GWB's gate looks like. And here's silly me with images of chatting to CIA guys, and persuading one of them to take a picture of me in front of George Dubya's home!

I decided to head home on the back roads, so that the scenery wouldn't be flashing by quite so fast. There are lots of churches - Unitarian Universalist Chapel, God of 2nd Chance Church, Christ-Life Church, as well as the usual - but some of them look more like someone's garage than what we usually recognise as a church. And the rural towns are full of decrepit trailer homes (don't know what we call these in England, but they're bigger than caravans, pre-built, and small enough to tow and install on the plot of land you've bought). There are also lots of derelict buildings - someone told me that when Walmart close down a store, or move to larger premises, they won't sell it, but leave it to decay until, often, the town has to pay to have it demolished. There's some economic logic to this, but I don't like it. Whenever I see an abandoned building, it makes me think of what it was like when it was new, what aspirations for the future the owner had, and I can almost imagine them standing proudly outside while photographs are taken for posterity. And that makes me sad.

Anyway, on the way back, I took a picture of a typical Texas scene : cattle grazing in a field around a watering hole.

I suspect that the US should be as worried about it's rural economy as much as we are.

Night club

Cattle around a watering hole

Camels

Jenny and foal

Ray's camels

Baby camels

African cow

Hush puppies

Ducks and turtles

Crawford!