Avatar

I'm probably going to be all on my own here … but here goes. I've just seen Avatar in IMax 3-D, and thought it was rubbish. That's perhaps a little harsh – as a 3-D spectacular, it definitely succeeded, but had little to offer from any other perspective.

To be fair, I was in an argumentative mood before I went in. The movie is rated PG-13, which I agree with, but in the queue were quite a number of families with 5- or 6-year old children. It's clearly not suitable for that age, and doubly inappropriate because this was the performance that started at 7pm – on a school night – and the movie is two and a half hours long. The couple behind me were discussing the 3-D glasses. She said, "You don't need special glasses – IMax is already in 3-D". I felt like turning round and asking just how she thought that might work, but bit my tongue. So I'm already surrounded by stupid people.

The title is clever, cashing in on the current computer gaming culture. The music is unerringly predictable – something like Pirates of the Caribbean meets Karl Jenkins. I grow weary of blockbusters in which violence is the inevitable solution to conflict – I'd like to think that by 2154 it will no longer be necessary to beat opposition into submission using an unbelievable variety of explosive weaponry (although a friend has reminded me that ‘twas ever thus). The dialogue is uninspiring, and the plot is, as others have pointed out before me (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/04/avatar-pocahontas-in-spac_n_410538.html), Pocohontas in Space. No purpose was served by Sigourney Weaver smoking cigarettes, and unobtainium is just too corny. I can handle suspension of disbelief as well as the next person, but I wonder where our hero managed to lay his hands on several hand grenades during the closing debacle, and how it is that an alien race uses language like, "We're gettin' hammered here". And while we're on heroes, I don't understand why an ex-marine brimming with testosterone should be held up as exemplary, instead of the mindless muscled morons that they are.

Well, that's it. If you like special effects, this movie excels. If you wonder whether female aliens have nipples, this movie answers that question. If you like happy endings, you won't be disappointed. Since the movie is set to outdo Titanic at the box office, I'm clearly in the minority.